All Hat and No Cattle

Bobby, Coif, and Christopher have John Ross, JR, and Brows beat for now.  Brows will clearly not take this lying down.

Evening Everyone!

Well, we made it through Tuesday (hopefully), and that means one more day to a new Dallas.  I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and is having a great week so far!  Can ya’ll believe that this little mini season is halfway over already?  It’s kind of funny, but that is how the original series began… actually, it began as a miniseries, if I’m not mistaken.  At any rate,  I hope TNT announces soon when the second season will begin.  If anyone has heard/read/seen dates, please let me know!  As soon as I find out dates, I promise to let you know!

Are ya’ll excited to see that someone other than JR got quote of the episode?!  Bobby earned that!!

Not much to discuss and no programming notes to cover, so I am just jumping right on in to the show.  Praying that this makes even a minute amount of sense since, as usual, I am operating on a minute amount of sleep.  So exhausted last night that I fell asleep on the sofa, watching a Lana Turner movie.  I feel like I should apologize to Lana for falling asleep on her because she is one of my favs (and yes, I know she is dead, but I do believe in the afterlife – so, I am truly sorry, Lana.).

Wait, actually, I do have a helpful tidbit of the day, thanks to my godmother.  So, I know that it is hotter than the fiery gates of hell in the vast majority of the country, and electricity bills are out of damn control.  If you look up “peak hours” for the electric company you use (pretty sure you can find online), you could save some bucks.  Apparently, energy rates are highest during said hours, so if you keep the temperature setting in your house/office warmer during those hours, your bill will be less (hopefully).

Ok, enough of that – let’s get to the show… as soon as “Kentucky Rain” finishes playing on my U-verse music station.

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Le sigh, I love these panning shots of the ranch!  It really is gorg up there!  Oh woof, bliss interrupted – John Ross spent the night with Elena.  “I don’t believe in a war, but I believe in a warrior”?  Whatever Elena – disliking you right now.

John Ross, you are no match for Coif.  Period.  Refer to post title!  Actually, in this instance, I’ll go on ahead and say that John Ross needs to respect the shotgun since pulling the tankers was Ann’s doing.  Partial word since Bobby is now pissed.

Ok, wait, is this Christopher’s (and Rebecca’s) crib?  I mean, AS IF Christopher Ewing can’t afford something bigger than a studio apartment/loft…

There are those cookie cutters over Bobby and Ann’s bed again – loathe them, and need them to be removed, prontito.  Awe, Bobby had a plan already in place to stop the trucks.  Clearly Bobby read my blog from last week when I said that the price for Ryland helping Ann would be more than a mere hug.

Son of a bitch – “Birthright.”  Sick of that word.  Hate to say it, but John Ross will never pay for anything.  WOAH, people, the sensor clearly also got a little bj action – “bull shit”?!  Continue to enjoy the profanity – what is this third episode?

Lawd, what is Rebecca doing here?  Ok, maid’s name is Carmen – must make a mental note.  Should we trust Rebecca?  Is the telling the truth?

OH EM GEE – Aaron Southworth!!!!!!!!  Invoice of judgment of separation of Mineral Rights from Surface Rights for Southfork will now use a core character (albeit one we never met even in the original series) and the show’s history to drive story.  Who would have thunk it – a show/soap using history to drive story.  This is how it’s done!!  JR owns land… not mineral rights!  Let’s all hope that the original deed is found if only to see the look on John Ross’ face!  Oh, and still suspicious of Rebecca’s ass… she could just be playing Tommy.

Nose bleed and near faint – Rebecca will, no doubt, be pregs.  Mark my words!

Awe, Jock’s things – tears.  Again, Christopher has learned to respect the Coif!

Yeaaaaaa, it’s JR!!!!  Thank the Lord he’s not MIA!!!  Laughing my bootie off – he’s in Vegas!!!  This is hysterical… and soooo typical JR!!!  Oh mercy, Cliff is there.  This. Will.  Be.  Fabulous.  Old school Dallas – Cliff Barnes v. JR Ewing.  Ya’ll know JR will win.  Truer words have never been spoken: “For a chance to make money me, Cliff Barnes would push his mamma into a puddle of piranhas” (Awe, Cliff’s mama.  Poor Rebecca – dying in a plane crash.  This happened, I think, in season 5 or 6 of original Dallas.  Oh my gosh, I was devastated and actually cried.  I was shocked.).  Aaaaand, a good ole JR laugh to boot – this day is complete!

Aaaand, the key just conveniently fell out?!  Of course!  In any event: We have a key to Jock’s safety deposit box!!

Rebecca’s preg confirmation is imminent.  Ya’ll just wait.

Look at John ross shaking in his boots – love it!!  He ain’t fooling anyone – he’s scurd.

Oh Mylanta… literally… presidential advertisements already and it’s only July.  Joy.  But from a nonpartisan, strategic campaign standpoint, whoever came up with the idea to run these Obama ads during Dallas is a freaking genius, and I am not being sarcastic!

Oh, and really?  I am REALLY asking “Where the hell is Sue Ellen?” again.  Her absence is getting annoying.

THANK YOU SWEET MOTHER OF MARY AND ALL THAT IS HOLY… somebody heard me, and Sue Ellen is in the house!!!!!  Ok, so John Ross is being civil with Sue Ellen now, and clearly wants a favor.  Yep… of course.  Dweeb.  Aaaaaaahhhhh, Sue Ellen IS running for governor.  Ok I take back every single word I said about wanting her to reunite with JR for purposes of becoming head bitch in charge of Southfork.  I need her to be head bitch in charge of Texas and give Ann Richards a run for her damn money.  Oh, and she and JR can still reunite so that JR can be “First Man” of Texas.  WORD the hell up!  Oh, but I am kinda miffed that we didn’t get to see Sue Ellen actually decide to run and then make her announcement.  Don’t do it, Sue Ellen…  don’t succumb to John Ross’ guilt trip.

And I hate to be rude, but I’m getting sick of seeing John Ross in that ensemble.    Pretty sure John Ross will live to regret slamming the door in Marta’s face (what’s her real name again?).

Uncle Garrison?  Is that Gary’s name?  Speaking of Gary… can he and Valene make a cameo… for longer that a hot second?!  I would be beside myself!!!  We have a deed, bitches!!!

Yes, indeed, John Ross will regret slamming that door on Marta – bitch is no doubt behind breaking in to Elena’s.  She is.

Jesus, another Obama ad?

Ahahahaha, this entire JR/Frank scene, from start to finish, made me pee on myself… way too many reasons to type!

Now, I don’t know why Bunk (Is that his name?) thinks John Ross needs to look outside Southfork to hire extra security to protect Elena – Ann could take any trespassers out with one firing of her shotgun!

Wait, freesias – makes me think of that line in The Devil Wears Prada delivered by Miranda (aka Meryl Streep): “Do I smell freesias?… If I SEE freesias, I’m going to be veeeeery unhappy,” or something like that!!  Ok, that tangent is over!  Gorg flowers for Ann… no doubt from Ryland.  Let’s see.  Oh, and a gift.  Yea, definitely from Ryland.  LAWD, what the hell is with this necklace?!

YES – a Bobby/Ryland mini brawl!!!  And here I thought that we would go an entire episode without a bitch slap or the like.

Has anyone actually watched Dallas Roundup?  I would, but Cameron Mathison annoys me – I know, soap peeps will shun me.  In other news: How weird is it that I discussed Meryl not one segment ago, and now there is a preview of her new movie… and it looks faaaaaaabulous.  Big shock!!  Can’t wait to see it!

Oh look, it’s the mommy to be.  Confirmation is coming… I’m telling ya’ll!

Dammit, Sue Ellen… don’t do it.  How flipping fabulous does Linda Grey look?!  Ya’ll this Ryland character is so damn evil, shady, and just plain old no good, and I will lurve to hate him… just like JR!

So, Ann and Sue Ellen now “owe” Ryland something.  Please, no threesome… that’s all I ask.

Seriously, what is up with Ann’s necklace?

Aaaaand, just like that John Ross has learned to respect the coif!  And, lurved the Gary mention!!!  Suck it, John Ross!

Hate to say it, but TOLD YA SO!!!  Rebecca is pregs.  How much ya’ll want to bet Tommy is the baby daddy (assuming the duo isn’t really brother and sister)?!

Holy shiz – tomorrow’s episode looks beyond FABU, and I cannot wait!!!  Flipping hate that I can’t watch live, and thus have to put myself on Twitter hiatus… one of main reasons I write this blog o’nonsense!  Anywho, I need to get my ass in gear and prep coffee and work ensemble for tomorrow, plus shower.  Hope ya’ll have a lovely evening and delightful weekend!  See you next week!!

 

Loving ya’ll mucho,
Mary Heather

 

… After the Beep, Tell Me Whatcha Know

Lucy and Ray called.  They want more airtime and are miffed by their nanosecond cameos (trying to hire same agents as Brows and Coif).  Are, therefore, this week’s photo!  Word!

Hello Darlin’s (in best Sue Ellen or JR voice – take your pick)!!

How are ya’ll doing on this fabulous Tuesday?  I hope everyone had a wonderful Independence Day and weekend and is having a great week thus far!  Also, I hope ya’ll enjoyed TNT’s Dallas marathon last Wednesday… regardless of whether you watched live or later on DVR!   Here’s hoping you are all caught up now if you missed any episodes.  I have to give it to TNT, they are killing it with Dallas – promos out the ass, marathon, and even a new show on the 4^th when many networks aired repeats.  Sidebar: I just finished Season 7 of original Dallas, and OMG, it’s now “Who Shot Bobby?”  I mean, so help Netflix if they eff up my next shipment, and that’s all I have to say.  Sometimes I wish I would also blog about original Dallas, but don’t worry, I’ll spare you… plus I barely have time for this blog anyway.

Programming note: As much as I hate to acknowledge a show that replaced a soap opera, I’m going to.  Linda Grey was on The Talk today.  I didn’t get to see it because by the time I saw her tweet that she would be on, I was already at work.  Huge boo on that; however, the show is available online.  Here is the link: http://www.cbs.com/shows/the_talk/video/ .  Just look for the show from today, July 10, 2012.  If ya’ll only knew how sick to my stomach I am that I actually visited that page AND linked it.  WOOF.

All right – let’s hope this post makes sense, as I am operating on limited sleep here – what else is new?!

Oh, and I am trying to be objective with quotes of the episode (aka post titles) by awarding them to someone other than JR, but let’s be serious, he has the BEST damn lines, pants down!  I mean, even his voice mail message is bad ass!

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YAY – we ARE still at the Ewing BBQ!!!!  I was afraid it would really be a hot minute.  Ok, I kinda think maybe Rebecca really didn’t know about the email, but I still have no sympathy for her and remain on team Christopher/Elena.  Clearly I am a cold-hearted bitch.

Sucker-punch instead of a bitch-slap this episode… well, so far!  I’ll take it!  I mean, ok, so Tommy and Rebecca’s secret is out already – totally did not expect it to come out this soon, and I’m excited to see what happens from here.

The color of Rebecca’s suitcase is atrosh, and it looks like shit… literally… and how appropriate that is considering Rebecca is knee-deep in it said substance.

Ok, I take back my comment on the length of the BBQ – remains shortest in Ewing history.  Ugh, Elena and John Ross – dislike.

I lurve that Bobby won’t let Ms. Maid do anything for him, but Ann is more than happy to indulge!!  Even more reason to like her!!  Suh-nap – deed to Southfork in JR’s name – shiz is about to get real.  I mean, sometimes I think just maybe JR lies so damn much that he even talks himself into believing his own tall tales – I still lurve him, though… even if he is a jack ass.  Can’t wait to see Brows and Coif battle it out for Southfork – may the best hair win!

More Christmas list items – Bobby’s Mercedes… in black, please.  K thanks.

Aaaaand, Mitch ran for the border – probably the best decision of his life, bless his heart.

Omg, I love this office; however, I would hyperventilate on a daily basis working in it since I am afraid of heights.  Uuummm, yea, Bobby, good luck proving JR was involved in the scam.  His brows know how to cover up tracks!

I still am inclined to believe that Tommy and Rebecca really aren’t brother and sister, but I could, of course, be wrong.

John Ross just learned to respect the Brow, and I loved every second!

(Clutches pears at sight of oil trucks driving onto Southfork) Mrs. Ellie is rolling over in her grave.  I hope she haunts JR and pinches his toes in his sleep.  Sidebar: My grandmother used to tell my cousins and me when we misbehaved when we were little that if we didn’t straighten up and fly right, the devil was going to come and pinch our toes when we were asleep.  Good old Catholic upbringing at its finest… very successful method of discipline, I might add.  So, John Ross is learning to respect the Brow, and Christopher will, no doubt, learn to respect the Coif – let’s hope.  Oh, and yay that Bobby and Ann are staying at Southfork!  I still want JR and Sue Ellen to reunite so that Sue Ellen can be head bitch in charge of Southfork!

So, I read somewhere that the actress who plays “Marta” is pregs in real life.  Wonder if pregnancy will be written into the show – that could be interesting, don’t ya’ll think.  Also I know I’ve said this before, but I’m going to say it again – John Ross just strikes me as a little wannabe.  I just don’t see him as someone that people are intimidated by… like he’s all talk, and the only way he gets anything done is by JR doing it for him… whether John Ross knows about it or not.  I may be alone in thinking this, but it’s how I feel.  Ok, that’s all.

And once again we are halfway through this show, and I’m having to ask where the hell Sue Ellen is – did she sneak away from the BBQ early?  I am none to pleased about this.  Need her to surface.  Oh, and while I’m at it – Lucy and Ray – I mean, their two cameo appearances have been literally seconds long.  Not that I don’t love seeing them, but what the hell was the point of having them on?  I mean, are they getting Sue Ellen’s gubernatorial campaign started?  Seriously…

Marta remains coocoo for CoCo Puffs.  Sex tape will, no doubt, be leaked.

I’m sorry, but Mr. Detective has to be laughing his ass off (to himself) with John Ross’ threats.  Oooooohhhh stab me in the eyeballs – we are now at “Jerry’s House,” home of the Cowboys and overrated Tony Romo.  Vomit.  NO – now Jerry himself?  Let me just shut up right this very minute before I get hate mail.  Oh boo – JR’s leaving town?  Please tell me he won’t be off the show now?  No telling how John Ross will eff this all up – sneaking suspicion JR may know that.  Lmao that Jerry put JR and John Ross on the JumboTron – woah, that was quite the consonance!

STILL have no sympathy for Rebecca, and I will now be annoyed with Ann if she starts sympathizing with her, but I am ok with it since this is a television show, and drama has to come from somewhere.

Well, this doorman’s days are clearly now numbered.  Yeaaaaaa, Christopher has the sex tape – hoping he uses it wisely.  Oh mercy – this sex tape is rather graphic… the beauty of cable and not network television!

Ya’ll I am genuinely upset that JR is leaving town.  WTF?  I cannot have him now missing from episodes.

John Ross will now (hopefully) learn to respect the Coif also… hope Bobby wipes that smirk the hell off of his wannabe face!

I need to find out the name of this restaurant – making a trip to see family in Dallas in a few weeks and would lurve to eat here!

I’m getting sick of this “birth right” shit.  I really am… sorry.

Continue to enjoy Bobby and Ann (Omg, ya’ll, I literally just typed “Bobby and Pam” then had to delete Pam, of course – mercy.)

Oh brother – how did Christopher not get a DUI driving to Southfork because let me tell you, there are cops out the ass on Parker Rd. (road that takes you to Southfork from Highway 75 in Dallas/Plano) just waiting to catch speeders and the like. 

Oh, FYI, these scenes taking place at Elena’s house/cottage/whatever were actually filmed at Southfork, unlike the interiors of actual Southfork house, in one of the little guest houses – insider tidbit of the day (source: adorbs tour guide at Southfork – peeved that I can’t remember her name).  Continue to be on Team Christopher/Elena.

Well, this must have been an odd pairing – Ann and Mr. Clean.  Don’t look like they would go together – hence the reason they are divorced, no doubt.  Oh, and I would love to know what time of the day that back shot was filmed because I have NEVER seen the roads in Dallas that clear.  Lucky bastards that were driving at that time.  Ok, I take it back – Ann and Mr. Clean have a oddly sexy chemistry.  I’m sorry… they do!  Wonder if ex is sticking around.  Hopefully he cancels those contracts; however, the price for doing so will be higher than a simple hug from Ann – not gonna lie, intrigued to see where this goes.

My like for Elena just skyrocketed in excitement that she won’t help John Ross drill on Southfork.  Dammit, it went back down when she said “birthright.”  I mean, if I were playing a drinking game while watching a marathon of Dallas, I would be drunk by now because of how many times that godforsaken word is used.  Oh Elena, your cool points continue to go down thanks to this little quickie, but I understand your feelings.  I’ll let you slide since John Ross is pulling the wool (or cotton in this instance) over your eyes.

Not too much to say about that Rebecca/Tommy scene.

Like I said, doorman’s days are numbered.  As much as I would love for it to happen, John Ross ain’t going to jail, Christopher.

All righty!  Good episode for 4^th of July!!  Tomorrow’s show looks fabulous, and I am ELATED to see that Sue Ellen’s fabulous self will be on!  Hate it when she is MIA!  Oh, and JR is on too – thank the baby Jesus!!  Can’t wait!

All righty, back to work for me – still have a crap load of work to get done before the morning.  Sleep deprivation continues.  See ya’ll next week, my lovelies!!

Kisses,
Mary Heather

 

Man, I Hope I’m Never on the Wrong End of that Smile

No caption necessary; photo speaks for itself!

 

Hi There, My Lovely Readers,

How are ya’ll doing this fine Tuesday?!  I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend.  I guess we could call it a holiday weekend, but with the 4^th of July being smack dab in the middle of the week this year, who knows which weekend is the official “holiday” weekend.  I’m just going to go on ahead and designate the entire week as a holiday week.  How’s that?  Too damn bad we can’t all have off of work for the entire week because that would be ideal.  Oh well, a mid-week break will still be fabulous!

At any rate, hope you are all ready to celebrate our nation’s independence tomorrow and have a fun-filled day of celebrations planned!  I’m headed out for our annual “Star Spangled Salute” and fireworks show tonight with friends, so I’m quite excited to get my patriotism on!

Oh, and programming note for those of you who haven’t heard: TNT will have a Dallas marathon on Wednesday, beginning at 4pm, so if you’ve missed an episode, this is the perfect opportunity to catch up!!  Set those DVRs!!!  Oh, and that is 4pm, Central Time!

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One more quick sidebar before we commence with the foolishness – I’m sure ya’ll have all heard by now, but just in case you haven’t: DALLAS HAS BEEN PICKED UP FOR A SECOND SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  No premiere/air dates have been announced, but rest assured, I will keep you posted, for sure!!  So flipping excited!!  Ratings are fabulous and show continues to dominate!  Ok, on with the show!

The writers clearly know how to kick off a show – classic fantasy sex scene!  I thank them for that!

Ole JR is up to his old tricks, digging up dirt on his advisories!  Loving that!  Word on Texas’ Three Strikes Law!  The following exchange merits me typing the dialogue:
John Ross: “… not on my end… she’s getting a little cleaning.”
JR: “And you’d rather be cleaning with someone else?”
How hysterical?!?  Lovely little father-son exchange; however, I couldn’t see JR having such a convo with Jock.  I’m trying to recall one, but I’m not coming up with anything so far.  Somebody help a sista out if you can think of one.  Oh, and John Ross will, no doubt, have Rebecca help him out on this now that he has the dirt on her sending the email to Christopher.  Let’s see if that’s correct… IT IS!!  Kinda hoping Rebecca will outsmart John Ross some sort of way.

That explains the pills – Marta is bipolar.  Lord have mercy, this won’t end well.  Ugh, I cannot understand what JR said about Marta being a jealous person, and I rewound the scene like five times.  “Crazier than an outhouse” what?!  Again, somebody help me out, please!!  LOVE that JR hasn’t missed a beat – still think he is playing John Ross, so can’t wait to see if he is or not.

So sad to see Ann and Bobby packing up to move out of Southfork.  Omg, now the Ewing BBQ?!  I mean, they are cramming the classic Dallas events into this season.  Kinda starting to seem like some plot devices.  Not complaining… yet; just observing.  Hoping to see some familiar faces at the event!  Oh, and by the way, I forgot to mention this in the post about the Cattle Baron’s Ball, so I’ll do it now.  Why is it now called the Cattle Baron’s Ball instead of the Oil Baron’s Ball like it was in original Dallas?

Awe, poor Bobby is irritable from sadness of having sold Southfork.  He remains adorable, especially in his cowboy hat!  Mercy, from Southfork to a condo?  If I were a storage company, I would be beating down the Southfork door as we speak!  Still loving Christopher and Elena!  Woah, a Midland, TX reference?!  Ok, so I have relatives that live in Midland, and let me tell you, that place needs rain… BADLY… I mean, I think their water restrictions are so bad that they can only water their lawns once a week, which is pointless because everything is dead.  Back to show since I know ya’ll don’t give two flying shits about that.  Well, from the moment Rebecca came into the room, hello awkwardness… all the way around.  Ok, so, is Rebecca being a lawyer all part of this con scheme she has going with Tommy?

Well, praise the sweet Baby Jesus, SUE ELLEN IS BACK and looking fabulous as ever, bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!  Simultaneous GASP and clutching of my own pearls… JR is giving Sue Ellen Mrs. Ellie’s pearls?!  I cannot handle that fabulousness!!  Thanks a lot Cliff, for ruining that moment; however, a classic Sue Ellen/JR/Cliff triangle scene will follow, and I will love every second of it, no doubt!  I’m sorry, but why would Sue Ellen ask Cliff for political advice?  Oh, and does this mean that she IS going to run for governor?  Ahahaha – JR is a changed man?  Hilarious!!  “You lost your right to have a say with whom I lunch a long time ago.” -  WORD the hell up Sue Ellen!!  However, I think she may be trying to disguise how touched she is that JR gave her Mrs. Ellie’s pearls because she doesn’t want JR to see that he still has an effect on her.

Aaaaaand, yeppers, I was right – John Ross will enlist Rebecca to help him get that poor man to get back on drugs.  Blackmail is a biotch!

Oh yes, NASCAR!!!!!!  Now before ya’ll start commenting how redneck it is to like NASCAR, let me just say, go to a live race then report back!  Sooooo much fun!!!  In other news:  Elena is clearly John Ross’ weak spot, and he will do whatever she wants.  Oh, and Elena, who cares if John Ross is drinking at 2pm?  It’s five o’clock somewhere.  WORD!  Lol – love that JR’s spy is lurking, too.

Nice father/son scenes yet again for Bobby and Christopher – loving the no-shaved looks!

Ahahahahahaha – a cow tipping reference!!!!!  My day has just been made… and so has John Ross’ since he was able to charm Mrs. Henderson!!  Oh, Mrs. Henderson, afraid John Ross has sadly inherited JR’s morals.  Woof!

Cute John Ross/Elena scenes (still on team Elena/Christopher, though).  Love me a good water/hose fight!  I mean, where is Mr. PI parked that he cannot be seen by the dynamic duo?  Not a lot of hiding places on a wide-ass open cattle range.  He must have a paparazzi-strength zoom lens/camera – you know, the ones you see lined up in Central Park in NYC trying to get apartment/balcony shots of famous folk.

I want Jordana Brewster’s body for Christmas… K thanks.

I LOVE Sue Ellen’s office!!  The purple orchid on her desk is gorg!!  Ok, can somebody please explain the animosity between John Ross and Sue Ellen?  Again, only on Season 7 of original Dallas, but I’m not seeing where John Ross would hate Sue Ellen.  Awe, Sue Ellen wants to know if John Ross thinks JR has really changed – highly doubt it Sue Ellen, but I know you still love JR in your own way.  Awe, look how touched she is that JR gave her Mrs. Ellie’s pearls.  Cannot deal!  Ugh, as much as I hate how “no good” JR is, not gonna lie, I would love for he and Sue Ellen to reunite.  Why?  Because they are FIERCE together, and Sue Ellen knows how to handle his ass… for the most part!  Oh, and JR said that he found the pearls while he was packing up Southfork… PUH-LEAZE, as if his ass was doing any actual packing!

Lawd, fake cow much?  More adorbs father/son scenes for Bobby and Christopher.  Love that Christopher confides in Bobby about the situation with Elena/Rebecca and love Bobby’s advice and support!  Ugh, Christopher, I feel your pain.  First loves are hard to let go of.

Of course, Rebecca has fallen in love with Christopher.  Unless something major happens to change it, I have no damn sympathy for her.  Sorry.

JR’s brows continue to be fierce masterminds of manipulation, and I continue to love them!

Good for you, Elena – tread carefully and don’t just hop into bed.  What a novel idea!  More reason to like her!

Marta remains coo coo for CoCo Puffs.  That is all.

My dislike of Rebecca will know no bounds if she goes through with this.  YAY, she didn’t!!!  Love that speech/lecture she got!!  Still don’t like what she’s doing, but I don’t totally hate her because she walked away!  Score one for Rebecca!

Ugh, Tommy, get the hell out, you dweeb.

Helloooooo, Neiman Marcus!!  I’ll be hitting up the Houston location next week when I head down to the Galleria for the Nordstrom’s Anniversary Sale!  Ok, so, in addition to Elena’s body for Christmas, I also want someone to have Neiman’s open just for me to pick out a new watch (or clothes or jewelry… the list is endless).  Oh hell, John Ross, you will, no doubt, regret having Marta help you in seducing Mr. Recovering Druggie.

Nice parallelism of the calf birth to Christopher’s current woman problems!

Laughing my ass off at JR trying to sweet talk Elena and her slight attitude with him!

OH EM GEE!!!!!!!!!  Sue Ellen is JR’s date for the BBQ?!?!?!?!  I am in Dallas heaven!   AHAHAHAHA – “That man is as see-through as a mosquito net, Sue Ellen.”  I cannot get enough of these two!!!!!  Um, JR, you buy your damn way into people’s pocket’s too, so hush it about Cliff!  Another laugh out loud moment “Everybody wants something, JR, so what is it that you want.”  WORD, Sue Ellen!!  Yes, Sue Ellen, give JR and fresh start, reunite, and then you will be head bitch in charge of Southfork just like you said you would in Season 1 of original Dallas!!  LOVE that Sue Ellen can see right through JR’s façade.  He ain’t fooling her!

How adorbs is that little calf?!  And how adorbs is this discussion of Christopher’s adoption paralleling the calf getting a new mother since its mom died during child birth?!

I mean, I think my heart literally hurts from watching these Christopher/Elena scenes.  Would not want to be in either one of their positions.  Remain on team Christopher/Elena!

Look at that, things worked in JR’s favor where Elena/John Ross coming to the BBQ together.  OF COURSE!

Loving Rebecca’s  BBQ ensemble!!

Oh heaven’s Marta, pills and alcohol do not mix, sweetheart!  Love how JR says he’s sorry to be the bearer of bad news, when we all know damn well he isn’t.  All part of his manipulations… a new deal for Southfork.  He is soooo gonna screw John Ross.  I see it coming.

Awe, the silver has been found by Ann.  Ok, that’s all.

YAY, Lucy and Ray came to the BBQ!!!!!!!!  Good to see them again!!  Wishing more familiar faces from the past could be there, but whatev!

How FABU was Bobby’s speech?  Tears.

Poor Mitch L.  I WAS SOOOOO RIGHT – JR WILL SCREW HIS OWN SON.  This will be fun to watch – John Ross needs to learn to respect the brow!

Oh snap, Rebecca is going to fess up?!?!?!  WHAT?  That’s it?!  So, 1. That was the quickest damn Ewing BBQ in history (WOOF), and 2. Thank goodness there is a new episode tomorrow night.  All limbs crossed that we are still at the BBQ!

Allllll righty, I need to get my rear end in gear for the rest of the afternoon, which will be busy, busy!  Hope ya’ll enjoyed reading, and I will see you next Tuesday for tomorrow’s episode!

Happy 4^th of July,
Mary Heather

 

… I Do Recall the Smell of Brimstone and Crazy

Barnes/Ewing Feud is still on; however, Cliff is no match for Brows and Coif.

Weeelll, How Ya’ll Dering (In my best JR Ewing voice)?

My apologies for not posting this sooner, but last week was out of control busy.  Wanted to post this weekend, but spent my time nursing a fever instead – huge boo, but I’m on the mend.  At any rate, I think I like posting on Tuesdays.  Plots are, therefore, fresh in our minds for new shows on Wednesday.  Review, catch up, and prep all the way around!

Just one quick tangent before I begin:  How is the weather in everyone’s neck of the woods?  I hope it’s better than it is here because, let me just tell you, it is no fun getting in your car and reading 106 degrees.  It is, in the words of one of my best friends, “Hotter than the fiery gates of hell.”  Actually, I think 106 qualifies as the actual fiery gates of hell.  Bring on winter!

Ok, ya’ll ready?  Have to try and do this quickly tonight.

Oh, and quick sidebar before I begin.  I decided that quotes of the episode will just be the title post.  Ok?  On to show.

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Again, loving “Previously on Dallas.”

Oh snap, I LOVE these old fashioned barber shops – my dad goes to one in my hometown, and it is beyond fabulous.  Will make future hubby goes to one – hopefully there is a cocktail lounge for wives – WORD!  OMG, a Jock reference – Lawd, I loved that man!!  Uh oh, JR is sending the barbers out of the room.  HOLY SHIZ…  THIS.  OPENING.  SCENE.  IS.  FAAAAAABULOUS!  And, that is all I have to say about that.  Ok, is JR playing John Ross?  Guess that remains to be seen.  Can’t wait!!  Lmao, OF COURSE JR has dirt on LaBell – no damn surprise there.

Good God in heaven, clearly Ann Ewing and Clint Buchanan of One Life to Live were bffs while growing up in Texas cause this is the second episode in a row homegirl has utilized a shot-gun, and I LURVE it!!!  Snap, Ann’s license plate is the old version – praise, Jesus!  Lordy, the conspirators – hate to see them duping the Ewings.  Woof.  Ten to one JR will figure their asses out in short order.

JR’s brows just took charge of this deal, people.  WORD!!  By the way, did ya’ll know that JR’s eyebrows have their own Twitter page?  That’s right – I am not even making that up.  I haven’t had time to go read it, but I know it exists because the official Dallas Twitter retweeted something from it/him/them (?) earlier today.  I mean, I am beyond excited about this development!  Uh oh, Mr. Venezuela just mentioned something about the deal being off if JR becomes incapacitated.  Foreshadowing?  Perhaps.  Marta, respect the brow, bitch!  LMAO – I would be popping some pills, too, if I had to deal with the likes of JR and John Ross!

Hooooooold it, Bobby already had his operation?  Ok.  I guess I’m ok with that having been done off screen.  I’m pretty sure I just peed on myself when Bobby panicked that hair loss would be a side effect to treatment.  Like JR’s brows, Bobby’s hair is a separate character in and of itself.  Hell, Brows and Hair probably each had their own agents and contract negotiations.  Now the doctor looks familiar.  Ugh, who is he?  In other news:  Bobby doesn’t want to sell Southfork now – YAY!!!

And, of course, scene with other actor I don’t recognize.  This is getting on my last nerve that two actors on here look familiar, and I can’t figure out who they are and/or where I have seen them before.

Mmmhhhmmm, no doubt JR is standing in the room whilst Dr. Hersh is speaking to Bobby and trying to convince him to let JR move back to Southfork.  Ahahahaha – OF COURSE he was standing there.  Lawd, I LOVE this show – feels just like the old days.  Ya’ll, what in the actual hell does “Dr. Hersh” have on?  He looks like he’s still living in the 60s, dressed up as a Beach Boy gone bad for Halloween.

Oh, look, my new favorite couple – sorry, I’ll condone an indiscretion or two from this dynamic duo because Rebecca and her bro are trying to screw the Ewings.  Dammit, moment  thwarted… by Rebecca.  Boo.

Awe, poor Ole JR… thought he was going to have a welcoming party.  Love that he is pouty and then makes John Ross his bellman!  Word. 

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR – Now I knew that Cliff was going to be returning in this episode, but I honestly didn’t recognize him until he said, “Cliff Barnes.  Remember me?”  Um, really, Cliff?  As if JR would forget your ass.  He might tell you that he did, but you and I both know he could never, ever forget (Kim and LA, ya’ll tell me in what voice I just said that!).  Lmao that JR told him that time has not been kind to his face.  Poor Cliff – he’s still holding on to the Barnes/Ewing feud.  Not a damn thing has changed.  AS IF even Bobby would sell Southfork to his ass.  Ahahaha – JR is gonna dance on Cliff’s grave – sadly, I believe him.

Clearly, Rebecca should have snatched the Academy Award away from Meryl Streep this year cause she pouring it on reeeeeeaaaallllly thick with Elena.  I’m kinda puking.  EXCUSE ME!!!!!  “Pam just disappeared one day”?!?!?!  Surely I misunderstood that?  Please tell me that Pam did not abandon her child.  I mean, she is pissing my ass off in Season 7 of original Dallas, but I refuse to believe that she just up and left her child.  Not looking forward to that.

Sorry but I had to chuckle at this bald man that showed up on behalf of Cliff to summon Christopher and Rebecca to dinner.

UUUMMMM, this episode is halfway over, and I have just one question: Where the hell is SUE ELLEN?

Well, DAYUM, Cliff… the Omni Hotel?!?!  Wentworth has been good to you!  Wtf is up with all of these tv monitors in Cliff’s room?  Who does he think he is?  The President… having a cabinet meeting?  Puh-lease!  He always flaunts his assets, and honestly sometimes I think he deserves what he gets as far as JR is concerned (at least where I am in relation to the original series).  He just cannot keep his mouth shut.  Instead of playing it cool, he always has to get all up in JR’s grill, and run his mouth, so it serves him right for what JR does to him (except his suicide attempt – not making light of that).  He should take JR’s advice to John Ross and “never pass up a good opportunity to shut up.”  Aaaand, I’m getting off of that soapbox.  Ya’ll please feel free to disagree.  Yep, Cliff can’t let go of a grudge – Barnes/Ewing feud is still on.

Sweet Mother of Mary, Ann has whipped out her shotgun yet again?  I love this bitch!  Ugh, we can’t get a pic of Barbara Bel Geddies and Patrick Duffy?  Woof.  Ann, DO NOT fall for JR’s sweet talk.  I will dislike you.

Omg, Mrs. Ellie’s diary?  Can’t wait to see what’s in there; however, I don’t recall Mrs. Ellie ever writing in a diary.  Clearly happened off screen in the original series.

Helloooooooo shirtless Christopher/Jesse Metcalfe!!!  Dammit, that was not long enough.

Sooo, based on this little phone call with her brother (What’s his name again?  Starts with a “T”…), clearly Rebecca is going to have fallen for Christopher whilst trying to dupe him.  Shocking!

Wait, I passed out for a sec.  Thanks to my smelling sauce, I’m back.  JR is COOKING?!?!  How delightful, JR and John Ross have written a little dramatic skit.  Ok now hold the effing phone.  I am only on Season 7 of original Dallas, so Jock’s death wasn’t that long ago, and I DO NOT recall Mrs. Ellie spending time in a mental institution after he died.  Distraught/Inconsolable/In denial?  Yes.  But the only person on original Dallas that has been in a mental institution so far has been Pam (and Sue Ellen if you count the sanitarium.).  Somebody correct me if I’m wrong, but Mrs. Ellie has NEVER been in a mental hospital.  Dammit, new Dallas writers, don’t make me get on your asses for re-writing history.  That shit pisses me off.  Aaaand, another bitch slap – pretty sure every last one of the new episodes has included a good old fashioned bitch slap, and I have lurved every last one of them!

 YAY, Christopher!!!  “You did it”!!!

Well, shiz, Bobby IS gonna sell Southfork, and JR will be large and in charge there now.  Partial woof.  Awe, Bobby has good reasons for wanting to sell – tear.  Omg, I did, in fact, shed a tear when he told Christopher that he has cancer.  This is something I hope I never have to listen to or tell anyone.  Yet again, I’ll be saying extra Hail Marys in gratitude tonight.

Ok, I’m gonna get all fashion police (again) for a sec on Christopher.  His shirt and pants are quite handsome… but, those white tennis shoes… HELL NO!  That is all.  YESSSSSS – a good little angsty, forbidden, scandalous make out!!!!  Thank you!!  Of course Mr. “T” photographed that – I smell a text to Rebecca coming on.

Ha, I was so right about the text!!  Score one for me!

Aaaaand, I was also soooo right about JR and John Ross’ little skit – I can hear it now, “And the 2013 Tony for Best Impromptu Production is…!

Uh oh, John Ross doesn’t have Mitch’s money – trouble.  John Ross is in a bit of a pickle.

Jesus, Christopher, you are in for a world of hurt, bless your heart.  No sympathy for you, Rebecca.

Oh Bobby, you even make bifocals look sexy – I’m drooling.  However, I am not drooling over those cookie-cutter looking stars on the wall of Ann and your bedroom – uumm, DISLIKE!  Praise the Lawd, Ann ain’t falling for JR’s phony charm, and lmao that Bobby also pretty much figured that JR gave the journal to John Ross!!  Bobby knows JR is up to no good!!  Whatever will he do?  Wishful storytelling: Bobby’s coif and JR’s brows have a good old fashioned duel to see who gets Southfork – MUST SEE TV, for sure!!!

SHUT UP – REBECCA sent the damn email?!  She’s on my shit list.  No damn telling what all John Ross will do that that piece of intel.

Wait a sec… that’s it?  Show’s over already?  Ya’ll, I know I asked this earlier, but WHERE THE HELL WAS SUE ELLEN?!?!?!  I’m just going to make myself feel better and assume that she was meeting with her gubernatorial campaign advisors and key contributors.  I mean, I cannot have her fabulous self absent for another episode.  She better surface tomorrow, and that’s all I have to say.

Yet again, previews look fabulous, and I cannot wait for tomorrow’s episode.  Until next Tuesday (or this weekend if I have time… but probably won’t.)!

Love ya’ll,
Mary Heather

P.S. I tried inserting some more Southfork photos into this post, but wordpress wouldn’t let me, so monumental boo on that.  I’ll try again soon.

 

I Guess Some People Are Just too Damn Mean to Die

JR cannot be bothered by celebrating National Martini Day.  Not the time to switch from bourbon and branch – must show John Ross who is large and in charge.

Well, Howdy Doody, Everyone!!

Happy National Martini Day!!  Sidebar: I had no idea it was National Martini Day until mid-afternoon, and let me tell you, I was some kind of excited!  I am enjoying a refreshing martini (made with Titos Vodka – an Austin, Texas-made product) as I type this!  I hope everyone had a fabulous day and is ready to commence with Dallas, Episode Two.  Ugh, I know that Dallas should be in quotation marks, but I’m too lazy to insert them each time.  Ya’ll are all fabulously intelligent and perceptive readers, so I’m sure you will be able to tell when I mean the show and when I mean the actual city.

Oh, and I forgot to mention in my first post that I’m going to post blogs for each episode this season and then pick back up once a new season begins (maybe some random posts with news or something in between – TBD).  Let’s all hope and pray that it gets picked up for another season – hoping so since, helloooo, the ratings were phenom – 6.9 million viewers!  WORD!

Enough blabber – let’s get the Episode Two posting party started.

Ok, so the DVR, of course, caught the end of Episode One, and that made me realize that I forgot to warn John Ross that he had better check himself before he wrecks himself where JR is concerned because JR could knock that cowboy hat off of his immaculately groomed head by simply blowing on it – he is that bad ass.

Yay – “Previously on Dallas” segment!!  Love it!

Oh snap, a trashy opening sex scene!!  Soapy goodness!!

Awe, Elena’s reading “Christopher’s” break-up email.  Tear.   What is it that compels us to keep such torturous momentos?  Woof.

JR has never felt better.  That is delightful news.  His brows, no doubt, nursed him back to health!  Lmao, “… and son, never pass up a good chance to shut up.”  AHAHAHA, I am going to have to start having like a quote of the episode or something.  So far, JR wins this episode’s best quote award.  I’ll let ya’ll know if that changes later on.   Oh Mylanta, the physical therapist’s name is Candy?!

Aaaaand John Ross is a man whore just like JR – shocking.  Hahaha – love JR’s reaction to seeing his lip lock with Marta!

Well, I could look at Jesse Metcalfe parading around in nothing but his briefs all damn day.  That is all.

Oh hell, Bobby, please don’t keel over.  Oh nooooo – just take me out right now with this “Jock and Ellie” tree carving.  I so miss them.  Sidebar: Was this tree with all of the couple carvings in the original series?  I do not recall seeing it in my recent viewings.  I’m guessing it’s something that was added to this reboot.  Anywho, ok, it’s official, I like Bobby and Ann.  Miss Pam, but these two are adorbs!  Bobby.  Must.  Get.  Better.

Oooo, a juicy confrontation – I’m ready.  Of course John Ross denies that he sent the email.  He has proven, in just one short episode, to be slimy and untrustworthy; therefore I do not believe him.  Sorry.  He is acting just like JR used to when he would try to convince Sue Ellen that he wasn’t responsible for something back in the day.  Awe, I really feel badly for Elena – poor baby.

So, I let the commercials run while I finished typing that last snippet and looked up as the Wal-Mart meat commercial came on.  I’m sorry and mean no offense to Wally World; however, I feel that it is a sacrilege to serve Wal-Mart meat on Southfork. Seems sooooo beyond out of place.

Ann, you are breaking my heart.  I can’t even begin to imagine how she feels – extra Hail Marys in gratitude tonight!  In lighter news: Tommy is nice eye candy.  Is he going to be this generation’s Ray Krebs?  Wait, were those little looks foreshadowing to an Ann/Tommy hookup?  Guess we’ll see, but Ann Ewing better watch it because I will whip out a shotgun on her ass if she hurts my Bobby.

Heartfelt father/son scenes between Bobby and Christopher, but let me just make an observation: As stated above, I could look at Jesse Metcalf (esp. in nothing but his briefs) all day long; however, he does not look like the product of Kristen and that druggie she hooked up with to make Christopher.  What do ya’ll think?  Awe, Christopher wants to respect Mrs. Ellie’s wishes – I remain on Team Christopher!

Well, isn’t everyone just being so sweet and nostalgic this episode.  Lovely Ann/Rebecca scenes.

I’m disappointed that the license plates on the Ewing cars don’t have “Ewing #” on them.

Mitch looks familiar, ya’ll.  Who is he?  It’s bothering me that I can’t place him.  And, I’m sorry, but John Ross is just striking me as a wannabe.  He wants to intimidate people and thinks he does, but in reality, he doesn’t. Omg, Mitch just mentioned the Cattle Baron’s Ball!!!!!!!!   Now those soirees were always good for soapy drama!  Here’s hoping!

I am trying to peruse this bar’s alcohol selection to decide if I like it or not.  WOAH, John Ross just said “asshole”?!?!  Somebody working on this reboot clearly slept with someone on the censorship committee, and I thank them for taking one for the team!  Lawd, even Candy the PT is in on these Southfork purchase shenanigans?  Why am I not surprised?

SUE ELLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I’m sorry, I know ya’ll are sick of me screaming, but I j’adore her and j’can’t get enough of her!  Oh snap, Sue Ellen is on the board of a bank?!  Again, something I’m supposed to know from the original series?  Oh boy, are JR’s brows setting up this little oil lease purchase loan?  Oh holy hell, Sue Ellen, I hope for your sake and mine that JR isn’t behind this (whether Elena knows that or not cause we all know JR).  Oh Elena, you lucky biotch, getting to be Sue Ellen’s date to the Cattle Baron’s Ball!!  I’m super jeal!

Well, damn, the Cattle Baron’s Ball has certainly moved up in this world.  Oh, and this is the American Airlines Center in Dallas (the city) in case ya’ll were wondering.  Not sure why in the world that logo isn’t clearly seen (unless you pause or watch in slow-mo) – you would think American could spring for some advert dollars seeing as how they rape the people with their airfare prices.

HAHAHAHA – JR and that walker!!  I’m sorry, but that is hilarious… and whatever he plans on doing with it should be good.  Awe, the American Cancer Society is sponsoring the Ball.  How fabulous – I wonder if they did that for Larry since he has (or had – not sure if he is in remission) cancer – TEAR.

Can I just say that I am loving to see how Sue Ellen’s character has evolved.  She’s such an independent woman – all the single ladies out there (myself included) “watch and learn” (in my best JR Ewing voice)!

Lmao, another sign of the times – Cattle Baron’s Ball is abbreviated (CBB)!

YES, I need Sue Ellen to run for governor!

Oh, le sigh, good Ole JR working his fake charm with Bobby – just like the old days!  Ok, so JR was faking all of this depression and whatnot just so that he could brood and devise a way to get Southfork back from Bobby?  That sounds about right.  And look at him trying to charm Ann – homegirl ain’t falling for that.

OH. MY. GOD.  If this new series doesn’t get picked up for another season, bringing it back will have been worth is simply for these JR/Sue Ellen scenes.  Like I can’t even formulate words to type how FABULOUS they are.  Everyone must watch them… and drool like I am currently doing.  Jesus H., I see where this is headed – of course JR will back Sue Ellen for governor.  Then he’ll turn on the charm in hopes that she will cave into him and then give him special favors when in office.  Stay strong Sue Ellen!

Suh-nap, way to go Galveston, on this advertisement during Dallas!!  I’m impressed!!

I mean, is John Ross headed down the path of alcoholism, Sue Ellen style?  If he doesn’t watch it, JR is gonna toss his ass in the sanitarium like he did to Sue Ellen.

Yea, Mitch, I wouldn’t want to be you right now, and I’m pretty sure you will regret dissing JR like that.

Aaaaaaand, no doubt, a tape of John Ross and Marta’s sexcapade will get leaked.

Bobby, “from your lips…”

Yea, I am going to be torn in this triangle/quadrangle/whatever.  I am liking Rebecca; however, I am a total sucker for all things first love, so I will, no doubt, be bipolar about who I want Christopher with.  This Tommy character will be a little instigator.  Why?  Because he has the hots for Elena, or because he has the hots for Ann and doesn’t want to leave Southfork?  We shall see.

WHAAAAAT?  What the Sam hell are these two siblings up to?  Con artists, are they?  DAY-UM, this is shaping up to be just like old school Dallas!  Oh, and this pretty much puts me on Team Christopher and Elena, so disregard the bipolar remark above.

Ok, so John Ross really didn’t send the email to Elena?  Omg, was it Tommy?  I would say JR or JR’s brows, but with this recent development with Rebecca and Tommy, I’m not so sure.  Jesus, this show is fabulous.

Only JR Ewing could go to Mexico is full western wear and make it look chic!  WORD!

Ahahahahahaha, and this, ladies and gentlemen, is the benefit of doing business face to face and not relying on technology!  We should all take notes from JR!  Oooooooh, John Ross, I.  Would.  Not.  Want.  To.  Be.  You.

Previews look downright fabulous, and I can’t wait til tomorrow!  Oh, and no change in quote of the episode – JR won that, pants down.

Ok, not sure when I’ll post about tomorrow’s episode, but I will have something up before next week’s episode… or will let ya’ll know otherwise!
Cheers,
Mary Heather

 

Comfort of the Old, Chemistry of the New

Hi Everybody,

I’m baaaaack!  I know you’re all dying of anticipation for this commentary!  I know that some of you may have seen me tweet some of these comments, so please enjoy them (or not) for the second time!  I will do my best to catch typos and edit/revise these posts before uploading them, but I’m apologizing now for those that I miss.  Oh, and FYI: I typed this last week while watching; it’s just taken me this freaking long to figure out wordpress.

Ok, are ya’ll ready to get this party started?!?!  Here we goooo!!!!

Well, snap, my DVR caught the end of some movie with vintage Brad Pit – I think one of the Ocean’s Eleven movies.  YUM!!

Ten seconds into this show, and John Ross is drilling for oil… ON Southfork.  What the hell?  Surely he does not have permission to do this.  Let’s see if I’m right.  Aaaaaand, I was.  Mrs. Ellie is, no doubt, rolling over in her grave, bless her heart.

Omg, heart palpitations – Bobby Ewing… in a doctor’s office?  NOOOOOOO.  WTF, Dallas?  Three minutes into this reboot, and I’m crying.  Just no.  Bobby cannot have a rare form of cancer and be dying.  I cannot have this.  He must beat this.  End of story.  Oh hell, now he’s going to keep it from his family?  That’s a soap opera move if ever I’ve seen one!  Word!

THEME SONG – cannot deal!!!  It is so interesting to see how the Dallas skyline has changed since the original show!  Oh, and I hate that the theme has been shortened and the characters’ pictures aren’t shown now.  At any rate, this theme song is my all-time fav television theme song.  “A Summer Place” is my all-time fav movie theme song.  I know ya’ll couldn’t give two flying shits about that information.

Wait, this guy with the dark shirt looks familiar.  Anybody recognize him?  Oh, and Christopher pulled a Bobby Ewing and is coming home in the first episode of the series – fitting!  HOLD, Bobby is no longer in the energy business?  He only runs the ranch?  Ok, so surely the reasons for that will be revealed as I watch more of the original series?!   LMAO, “I ain’t a virgin, but I ain’t a whore either” – Quote of the damn day!!  Thanks, Christopher Ewing!

Ok, I am none too thrilled that Victoria Principle isn’t on this reboot, and it is hella weird for me to see Bobby married to Mary Alice Young, but I’ll give them a chance.  They were cute in their first scene.

Clearly I need to become a member of John Ross’ entourage since he buys rounds of champagne… and not just glasses of it, but bottles!  My kind of partying!  Mercy, he is paying off and meeting people in back alleys already!  Oh, and I will just go on ahead and say it now: The current Texas license plates are about a million shades of atrosh, and I hate them.  Ok, back to show.

YES, Bobby is back on!!!  OH EM GEE, JR freaking Ewing!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Wait, what the hell happened to JR?!?!  He is clinically depressed and on meds and in some assisted living facility of some sort?  Surely JR faked his own death and has someone parading around as him because that is NOT the JR Ewing I remember.  Lawd, those eyebrows, JR.  Somebody needs to have someone man-scape that shiz, prontito (Kim, LA, and Laura – that was for you, and you know why!)!!!

So, no one will care about this but me, I’m sure; however, just a heads up because I don’t want anyone to be disappointed.  The interior of the actual Southfork Ranch in Parker, Texas looks nothing like this (see photo below).

K, back to show… again.

Christopher/John Ross/Elena triangle – pretty sure we were supposed to know this?  Should be good.  All limbs crossed!

Times, is Pam making a surprise cameo that I didn’t know about?  If not, who is in the Porsche?  Let’s see… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH: SUE ELLEN EWING, bitches!!!!!!!!!  Oh my word, Linda Grey looks faaaaaabulous, and my new goal in life is to age as well as she has.  WORD!!!!  Woah, she’s running for governor?  This.  Will.  Be.  FABULOUS!

A Ewing family dinner – hell to the yes!!  Hahaha, Elena filling in as a bridesmaid – oh, John Ross, I’m gonna love to hate you!  Love everyone’s reactions!  This is hilarious – “… you’re like Chris’ sister”!  Yea, ok, Rebecca, we can go with sister.  Oh, and is it just me, or does Rebecca remind anyone else of Pam?  Aahh, so the Ewing fighting will now be over alternative energy – nice move to take Ewing Oil (or whatever they are calling it now) into the new generation, “Dallas”!!  Wait, WHAAAAAAAT?!?!  Sell Southfork?!?!  Bobby Ewing, have you lost your ever loving mind?  I am not pleased about this.  Too bad Ann Ewing broke into my jewelry box and stole my string of pearls because I now have nothing to clutch in astonishment.  Boo.

Did we really go an entire 13 minutes with no commercials?  I’m impressed.  Not so impressed that there were almost 5 minutes of commercials but whatevs.  Apparently everyone wanted to advertise during the Dallas reboot – WORD!!

Ok, so, I honestly can see where each side is coming from regarding drilling on Southfork; however, Christopher makes a good point.  Drilling operations could mean the end of Southfork (not to mention that Mrs. Ellie NEVER wanted drilling on Southfork – TEAR, I LOVED Mrs. Ellie; she reminds me so much of my fabulous maw maw, who loves this show!), and none of us wants that, so right now, I’m on team Christopher and Bobby.  Now, nobody jump my case, I said “for right now.”  This could change, and if it does, ya’ll will definitely be the first to know.  Lmao, “round these parts,” that made me “pee” a little!  OOOOOHHHHHH, no John Ross.  You are cruising for a bruising… from me.  Don’t you dare disrespect Mrs. Ellie like that.  Snap, thank you Bobby for backing me up!  For the love of God, John Ross, you are just asking for it now – Christopher isn’t a blood Ewing.  Now that storyline (Christopher’s adoption) was fabulous in the original series!!   Awe, I love Bobby being the head of the family – just like his mamma was!

Not much to comment on with these back and forth scenes in the respective young Ewings’ mod abodes other than that I’m enjoying the shirtless men – another soapy move!

Uh oh, the law is here.  What the hell?  Oh, big shock, it’s John Ross’ doing.  EXCUSE ME, incompetence?  If his ass doesn’t leave Mrs. Ellie alone, I’m going to grab my pistol and go shoot him myself, Kristen style.  It will be “Who shot JR, 2.0?”  WORD!

Eh, Rebecca’s wedding dress is all right.  Ok, so she’s a lawyer.  Got it.  Oh, and I’m loving her little not so subtle one-sided convo with Elena!

Damn, JR is forking (Haha – forking!  Get it?  Forking – Southfork – yea, I’m probably the only one amused by that.) out the money to live in this place, and that’s all I have to say!  Look at that lobby!  My word!  Ok, so JR’s brows are the only thing with any expression during John Ross’ speech, and I remain convinced that the real JR faked his death and has hired this stand-in.  Where the hell is “Ole JR”?  I need him to make an appearance, prontito.  Uumm, “Fried chicken ain’t bad here,”?  That’s it.  I’m concerned.   WAIT… he has some catching up to do with John Ross.  Could this mean what I think?  Aaaaaand, there’s the smirk.  YES!!!!!!!

Oh shiz, trouble for Christopher.  Deals going bad and now John Ross wants Elena to spy.  Wait, what did John Ross call Elena?  The cook’s daughter?  Somebody help a sista out – I rewound about five times and am still not sure.  Am I supposed to already know who Elena is… like from the original series?

Ugh, Elena, don’t make me dislike you, and please don’t let John Ross manipulate you.  Hells bells.  Oohh, a Pam reference – I enjoyed that!  Times, so Elena and Christopher were engaged?  Again, am I supposed to know this?  Uumm, Elena, “We’re still going”?!  Hellooooo, you’re THE bridesmaid, girlfriend, let’s get with the program.

Jesus H, there are so many commercials.

Uh oh, an intruder at Southfork.  Aaaaaaaand, I officially love Ann Ewing – homegirl has shotguns, and she ain’t afraid to use them!!!  A woman after my own heart!!!  Any ideas as to the identity of the thief?  Awe, tear, Ann found out about Bobby’s cancer L.  I certainly don’t wish that on anyone.  How devastating.

I mean, where the hell is Sue Ellen?  She needs to be on more.

Ok, soooooo, great, John Ross is, no doubt behind these shenanigans… well, John Ross or JR (or JR’s brows, cause those suckers have a damn life of their own), take your pick.

Yay, wedding day!!!  Love weddings at Southfork!!!  Ann looks gorgeous.  OMG!!!!!!!!  Lucy and Ray.  They look fabulous!!!  Mercy, Lucy’s voice surely got lower.  She could sing baritone!  Woah, a Pam reference from Bobby?!?!  Anybody know why Victoria Principle isn’t in this reboot?

Sue Ellen’s back – FINALLY.  Hold the hell up – CLIFF BARNES is running Ewing Oil?  What the actual hell?  Now, no one say a word because clearly I haven’t gotten to this part of the original series, but I am NOT pleased about this.  In other news: Sue Ellen is a total bad ass, and I love her.  That is all.  Ugh, that’s all – that appearance was too short.

Yea, big shock, John Ross was behind the break-in.  Not gonna lie, I was hoping JR’s brows were the masterminds.

More fabulous soapiness – a good bitch slap!!!  Loved it!!!  Ok, so,  yes, Elena and Christopher were engaged.  Aaaaaaaand, John Ross broke them up?  People, this is what classic soaps are made of, and I, for one am eating it up!!!  They are building great back-story for the new generation!!!

Watch it, Exxon, you’ve got competition!  Omg, ya’ll, I cannot have Southfork sold, and I cannot stress it enough.  Like my heart will literally break if this happens. 

WOAH, an Adele song?!?!  “Dallas” has officially stepped into the new generation, and while I watch this beyond fabulous montage, I can’t help but be reminded of my beloved “One Life to Live” and all of the fabulous montages that we used be treated to at the end of episodes from time to time.  Ugh, I now have tears in my eyes.  Balls.

Oh, and may I just say: As effing if Pamela would miss her own son’s wedding… as much of a process as it was for Bobby and her to have a child.  I mean, come on!

That’s it, I officially cannot handle the fabulousness of this show – go flipping figure that Marta is in cahoots with JR.  I mean, this should not surprise anyone in the least, yet I was totally floored!  Hahahaha, John Ross is flabbergasted.  Has he ever MET his father?!?!  Omg, THE HAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  “Ole JR” has officially graced us with his presence!!!!!

Snap, red car is back.  Now who is this hussy?  Oh hell, the 87534^th Cowboy Stadium.  Shoot me.  AAAAAHHHHHHHH (Sorry, I know ya’ll are by now deaf from my screaming, but this Pilot is beyond fabulous, and these words don’t even do it justice.), it’s Marta!  So, John Ross is gonna try and tango with JR?!  Pretty certain he will live to regret this!  Pretty sure I will LOVE seeing these two try and out-maneuver one another!

Wait a sec, I thought this show was supposed to be two hours?  Why is my DVR only showing it recorded for an hour?  I’m panicking.  What the hell is going on?  I’m confused.  Oh, I see what happened, the first two episodes aired back-to-back, hence two hours.  Ok, got it.  WHEW!!  Perfect!!!  This was getting long anyway!  Sooooo, what I’m going to do is post this then write a separate post for the second episode, and I hope to be able to upload it sometime tonight.  Sound good?  Hope so!  Bored yet?  Probably so!

One final thought for this post: Whoever said soaps are dead – BEG. TO. DIFFER!

See ya’ll soon!
Mary Heather

 

Insert Theme Song… Here

Photo Credit: Moi

Howdy, Ya’ll!!

Since this is my first post, I should be stereotypically Texan, right?  Thought so… since, after all, this is going to be a blog for “Dallas,” and I just so happen to live here.  Wait, not in Dallas… in Texas!

Anyway, now that that cheesiness is over with, how is everyone doing this fine Tuesday?

I must divulge that I heavily debated starting this blog.  Let’s be serious, I am busy as sin and barely have time to breathe these days, but I figured writing a “Dallas” blog would be something creative and fun to do and would give me a break from reading/researching/etc. all day long.  I also figured that it would give those of you who love “Dallas” as passionately as I do a fun place to come and discuss the show.

Backstory: When the original show premiered in, what, 1978/79 (or was it 1977/78), I wasn’t even a thought in my parents’ brains, so I was only in existence for maybe about 9 years of the original “Dallas…” I think.  Yes, 9 years, since the show ended in 1991. Sidebar: In case any of you are as horrible at doing math in your heads as I am, that makes me 30 (as of February of this year)!  You’re welcome!  Sidebar #2: Somebody please, by all means, correct me if I am wrong on the aforementioned dates!  Anywho, I remember watching the show with my grandmother when I would go spend weekends at her house; however, I do not remember most of the storylines.  GASP, I know… but this was over 20 years ago… and I was a mere young’in!  When I heard last summer that TNT was going to be resurrecting the show… with much of the original cast, well, I was absolutely beside myself.  I don’t think anything will ever excite me more… well, something would: “One Life to Live” coming back to television, but the chances of that are, in the words of one of my fabulous friends, “slim to none, and slim just walked out the door.”  Ok, I digress… and am only (partially) kidding.  My point of all of this nonsense is that, last summer, I started watching the show from the beginning to refresh my memory.  I am only on Season 7, so I apologize if I question things that are, or should be, known from the original series!

Ok, so how is this blog going to function?  What I am planning on doing is posting a recap/commentary at some point during the week/weekend before the new episodes air each Wednesday.  I am going to do my best to follow this schedule, but if for some reason I cannot follow my own damn rules, I will be sure to let everyone know what is up!  Also, just a heads up that this blog will not be written in formal, academic style.  I’ve done (and do) enough of that on a daily basis, so I plan on being pretty much conversational.  And, yes, that includes cursing (which I will try to keep to a minimum), slang, jargon and the like.  More than likely, I will watch the show, and while watching, I will make comments/observations.  Also, please bear with me, as I am not all that computer/blog savvy.  I have no earthly idea what the hell I’m doing, and I’m learning as I go.  Formating subject to change!

So, now that ya’ll are sufficiently bored and running for the border, let me just get all teacher on yall’s asses for a hot second:  While I know that we will disagree with each other’s opinions from time to time, please, please, pretty please let’s respect each other’s view-points.  I truly want this to be a fun forum for everyone to come and discuss all things “Dallas,” and knowing my fabulously supportive friends who have assured me that they will read and participate in this blog, we will be running amuck with hilarity in short order!

All righty, with that being said, and with all of the “housekeeping” out of the way, welcome everyone, and I look forward to discussing “Dallas 2.0” with each and every one of you (and by “each and every one of you,” I mean the four friends who encouraged me to write this blog and are, no doubt, the only people currently reading it)!  Episode One post coming up soon!!

Stay tuned,
Mary Heather

P.S. Please do comment and introduce yourselves if you feel comfortable doing so!  I would love to hear from everyone, I will respond to comments (as soon as I figure out how), promise!!